Birdsong, Family, Mothers

Us

Yesterday I pulled out the hiking poles at Wren Cottage and walked at a slow but steady pace down roads, to a path by the water, into the woods, back through a swamp and finally winding up amongst fully blooming lilacs. So many birds are migrating and nesting throughout the Pacific Northwest right now and OH! The birdsong! My Merlin Bird app heard the following:

Orange-Crowned Warbler, Wilson’s Warbler, Purple Martin, Bewick’s Wren, Chestnut-Backed Chickadee, Spotted Towhee, Dark-Eye Junco, American Robin, Western Tanager, Song Sparrow, Hutton’s Vireo, Western Flycatcher, Purple Finch, Brown Creeper, Pacific Wren, Chipping Sparrow, Black-Throated Gray Warbler, Steller’s Jay, Black-Headed Grosbeak, Red-Winged Blackbird, Brown-Headed Cowbird, Common Yellowthroat, Northern Flicker, Red-Breasted Nuthatch

They flitted around me and above me, filled the air with wing beats and melodic music. So many different sounds, colors, points of origin. Just like us.

How many different mothers are there are in the universe, too? Biological ones, lost ones, found ones, friends that mother, friends that I mother, new mothers, old mothers, never-known mothers, mothers of animals, mothers yet-to-be. The verb, the adjective; the noun, the sentiment, the action. Powerful. Poignant. Deeply personal. My relationship to mother is both loss and love: I have been alive for so much longer than my mother who died when I was 25 years old and here I am fortunate enough to keep going; to be able to watch my three children reach their third decades, to be alive to know my first grandchild, to witness two marriages. So many memories banked for me — my gardens filled with peony plants my children picked out for Mother’s Day, plants which still bloom late May reminding me of those special Sundays eating barbecue or lobster rolls, the scramble to decorate cards, the home-baked cupcakes.


I have kicked off the Friday of Mother’s Day weekend at Mirabelle by Orphee in Pioneer Square Seattle consuming an entire double-baked almond croissant while sipping a dark, perfect Cortado with absolutely no regret. Due to certain circumstances I returned to the PNW early: I will conclude the day in the following order: x-ray and hip consult, Elliot Bay Bookstore crawl and a dry Martini with olives. That sums it up, this decade, this spring: worn out joints, books and treats.

When I return to the other coast I hope my family and I can find a time to be all together and celebrate motherhood. Nothing beats being ’round the table with those you love and will love forever no matter how connected or where we came from or where we are going, how we found each other or when we gather.

Cheers. XOX

Tasha and Me, a long time ago.

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Hope, The Pitt

No Matter How Hard.

A couple of nights ago a dinner out with friends ended abruptly as everyone needed to get home to watch The Pitt. I loved it; handbags grabbed, coats flung on, bill paid, out we raced. It has been a long time since I cared about a series that much, or watched it on the night it was released. This Is Us might be the last show I can remember that made a weeknight non-negotiable for me. We are in human, world and climate chaos and this little cameo of an emergency room in a fictitious city has reached out of the mayhem and grabbed us by the heart.

Here are some coping tools I have deployed to combat daily heart plummets: reading, early and late, not screens. Good food, simply made, no shortcuts if possible, centering myself on the cooking and prepping task. Treats, recently I opened a tremendous bar of chocolate gifted to me, Blanxart, and have been wedging a piece into a few inches of fresh baguette with my tea in the afternoon. The French call it ‘le goûter’ and it elevates the slump in a big way. Kindness, to self and others. And if they can’t be kind back, letting it go. And most importantly, talking, seeing and being with my family including extended family as much as they can stand. Go outside. Every coping mechanism makes me feel better.

Why have so many of us been captured by The Pitt? To me, each episode feels like a mirror of our current existence. Realistic often frayed and flawed humans doing their job, taking care of all sorts of situations in extreme crisis. The script writes in skill, compassion and humility along with and a lot of blood, disaster and sadness, red eyes, tired bodies and constantly broken hearts. From the people who clean up the mess to the surgeons they give it their all. And when I think, after each show, what were those writers thinking I know they didn’t have to think very hard: this is an actual microcosm of the world right now.

I know! I am talking about an HBOMax TV show! How did this happen.

Because what has grabbed me is how their efforts, hard and bitter and beautiful, build foundations for hope. And I need to do this too, fiercely, no matter now hard and imperfect my single and imperfect efforts feel.

Exhale. Inhale. Eyes wide open. Witness. VOTE. Every one counts. Talk with a neighbor. Talk to a stranger. Hug your people. Make hope happen.

Bear. Taking a break.

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Hunger Games, Inclusion, Pride

April, 2026: Do What You Can, When You Can.

I pulled on a bright day-glow yellow blazer early today. Added jeans and boots. “Half winter/ half spring” a friend commented as I passed her walking for my morning coffee. Little did I know Hunger Games chic is a more accurate description as the day progressed.

The back of my workspace north of Boston abuts a wine and cheese shop that proudly displays a gay pride flag. Recently they posted that people have come into the store to complain, citing the flag as an ‘abomination.’ That members of my community have felt emboldened to not only question inclusivity but empowered to openly shun it. I see why it feels like the world is shifting off its axis: I button up the neon jacket, channel Katniss and head to the shop to find the manager.

We agree to hang a pride flag, as bright and big-assed as this town has ever seen, on the side of my building for Pride Day in June. We move on from the hate: if we don’t counter bad behavior with better behavior this will never end. They will hang it for me and I will for sure attend their Pride Festival, maybe even have my face painted.

Understand the message:

All are included here. All are human here. All are loved here.

This is how we heal the wounds of divisive, uneducated leadership.

There will be iced cream and rainbow flags and big smiles. All are invited.

Do what you can, when you can.

Textile art by Emma Giacalone.

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Cake, Hearts, Red liptstick

Why I Wear Red Lipstick

I do not carry a chapstick, lip tint or moisturizer. I carry a red. I have many tubes of various shades of luscious carmine lipstick, some more strident than others. Nighttime shades, daytime shades, fun shades. Why, in the age of neutrals?

Well. I am not neutral. Particularly the bad days in 2017 when I was not sure if the next surgery would reveal more carcinoid tumors, more dire circumstances than just the one tumor that filled my appendix. And honestly, I was pissed. I wanted more of my kids, my work, my gardens, sunshine and travel. My life. So I got up a few days later and slicked on some red lipstick and looked in the mirror and said ‘not going to happen.’ And so far, it hasn’t.

Red gives me courage, brings out the blue in my eyes, makes me smile. Isn’t that what we want everyday? If all it takes is a wardrobe of reds, I am here to tell you: do it.

Best foot forward everyday because you might not be walking tomorrow.

Still walking.

Oh yes, and cake. Surround yourself in what saturates your soul with happy. You will not regret it.

(Photo: Galantines. 2026. All the red hearts. All the cake.)

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Bad Bunny, Humanity, Language, Melt The Ice Hats

Translation Not Needed.

There is a daffodil blooming on the back hillside and a rosy pink camellia peeking through the greenery outside the kitchen window. Temps in Seattle have been changeable but recently 50 degrees, the red-winged blackbirds chortling in the hedgerow. Plenty of rain has come and gone but three feet of snow just fell on my other coastal nest; this works for me. What has not worked is finding my place in the many, many words — some interesting, most angry, all emotional — flying around as our country tries to find ballast during the current devastation of our culture and values. I do not know where to dip my oar, pull hard, gain traction against the tides. Or do I?

Bad Bunny sure did. He blew love to the top of the Super Bowl rafters; love for his country, his family, his people, all people. He hugged and kissed and shook his hips and danced on the roof and fell through the ceiling and kept singing and hugging and kissing And guess what? I didn’t understand ONE WORD because ask my family I do not have the language gene so to speak. But I felt him. And this isn’t new, is it? All you need is love.

Love first. Love before hate. Love Strong. Love Wins.

What does love look like? Well, whatever it looked like before this administration has to be amped up a billion times more. I am trying to look deeply into the faces of those around me. Smile first. Give a compliment. Lend a hand. Pay it forward. Buy a stranger a cup of coffee. Think kindness before inconvenience. Understand anger pulsing from so many people is fear and grief and despair. Follow the @walkforpeace monks on Instagram who are walking through snow and sleet to Washington D.C. peacefully, single file, in love and peace. Just walking.

I wonder if you are reading this with an eye roll. Maybe. But when I asked a sight-challenged man last week if I could help him as he was going off the sidewalk edge it wasn’t a lifelong commitment but a moment of humanity and I felt a feeling I have been missing for a few months: I felt ok. He was ok. We would be ok.

Don’t let anyone tell you or frighten you otherwise: we need each other. And the each other in this country is made up of everything — different colors, languages, shapes and sizes. Remember when this was what made us proud of our country?

I am mostly angry but not helpless. We cannot feel helpless or we have failed our neighbors. Find a way to help. Write. Speak. Listen carefully, even if you don’t understand the words.

Thanks, Bad Bunny. I didn’t need a translation:

A hug is a hug in every language.

Yes, we have knit many #melttheicehats too. Let me know if you want one.

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believe, Christmas 2025, Family, Stick together

A Christmas Note


“Ring the bells that still can ring / Forget your perfect offering / There is a crack, a crack in everything / That’s how the light gets in”. 

Lyrics from Anthem, Leonard Cohen

We have sung the hymns and eaten the pudding, lit the candles and gone about giving. I am blessed to have had everyone for 24-hours under one roof and an 11-month grandson that never stopped smiling. Things ache, my eyes are tired but the light oh the light is bright and inspired by my family, and you.

Happy Everything. Let’s stick together in 2026. Promise not to rant.

January I celebrate fourteen years writing online, sending my words into the stratosphere.

Blessed be. We are still here.

Alexandra Dane




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Human Kindness, Priorities, Support

December 15, 2025

Well. Who else is hanging on by their toenails?

I had everything under control (read: gifts, orders, eggnog, cranberry nut bread, decorating, tree, outfits, post office!) until a few days ago when mid-way through a party I basically sagged. Turned out I was coming down with a glandy sore throaty thing. Later that night having left before the dessert churros and feeling sorry for myself I flushed my reading glasses down the toilet. Yup. I watched in slo-mo: drop-splash-flush and in a SPLIT second they were gone. Cue the plumber that has not called back. Cue a weekend of marginal holiday movies, hot water and lemon and my broken second backup pair.

Then cue another round of horrific gun violence around the world. And earth shaking weather. And anger that is running deep in the veins of America. Suddenly this makes all the above superfluous. If I can summarize anything about 2025 it is this; what once was irritating is positively forgettable in the wake of political decisions and repercussions, violence and hunger.

I pray every day that guns do not find the people that I love. I pray that I can keep priorities in order and may I note they are not the ones from 2024: now I worry about my neighbors going hungry. About my children and their children feeling safe. About having enough years to make a difference. These are no longer wishes. They are fierce intentions.

Marbleheadfoodpartry.org

donate.wck.org

https://www.redcross.org

Suicide Prevention Hotline

Seattle housing

This is a tiny portion of places that need urgent support in my two home towns. Spread the word. Love your neighbor more than you ever have before. Say hi to every stranger you pass, who knows, that gesture may save someone that day. Because we are all hanging on.

Practice human-to-human time in real time, hard. It is the little things that make the big changes.

I obviously have to buy more bird food this week, because, well, the squirrels have figured out how to jump the bird buddy feeder and I will not deny need. And if you have any good movie suggestions, let me know.

Love you all. Really.

A.

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table manners

Words

OOOOF.

I’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. (But, well, him).

There are a lot of ways to use our words and the current beings in self proclaimed power covered in minutia by the press are no role model; in fact, the escalating small-minded bigotry of our elected officials is in danger of leaching into all our language, behavior and attitude. How else can we interact this holiday season?

This is obvious and important advice as we approach the season ahead and gather with friends and family and strangers that may not follow your beliefs or eat meat or gluten or dairy or eyes. Think before you speak: I departed a medical appointment last week saying “Have a nice Thanksgiving” to a couple of doctors that probably don’t celebrate this American holiday and as the words fell out of my mouth I knew I labeled myself ignorant (among other things) in just a few words. I fretted the entire drive home, kind of sick to my stomach. What I adore about this country is our diversity and in the next few months so many will celebrate so many different beliefs in joy. As they should. As we built this country to allow.

If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all: closer to home, if you know Uncle Cliff voted the complete opposite chances are you and he shouldn’t sit together or talk politics. Put your plate down somewhere else. Go ahead, switch the place cards. We can also ban politics from the table, like cell phones, and maybe have an old-fashioned shout-out about dog breeds, or table manners, or sleep suits for babies. These topics can devolve into laughter. Make that your goal.

Be grateful: for so many reasons each holiday is precious to me. Being with anyone around a table of food prepared with love is a singular privilege whether you are eating take out or turkey or eggplant lasagna with one person or twenty-five.

That is what manners are, and despite the current climate we all need to remember them.

Happy Holiday Week however you spend it. Make the table laugh.

I am grateful for you.

Alexandra Dane

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Feed your Neighbor, SNAP, VOTE for humanity in the next election

What I Do Not Need.

It is October 31 and I am in the city of Seattle for a writing afternoon with other creative souls. A running group just passed me dressed as bumble bees. My barista is a skeleton. A moving inflated ghost made me jump as I walked to my car. In a few hours residents will prepare for the masses or turn their lights out and hide. Which one are you? But we can’t hide, can we.

As of this morning a local bagel shop Toasted has given away 12,405 bagels and breakfasts no questions asked. A Portland coffee shop Heretic Coffee has raised over $225K to provide free meals to SNAP beneficiaries who are losing benefits. These initiatives –there are hundreds — to feed neighbors in need is a stark reminder of the tentative line between full and hungry, fed and starving, well and unwell. And this is America?

The holidays are coming in hot. Starting tomorrow I am going to donate to food pantries, organizations that wrap and deliver gifts for children at Christmas and community mental health outreach programs. If humanity in the United States is going to be so challenged by the very body of elected officials that we put there to preserve it, I say we turn our resources outward and show what we are made of: just google ‘food bank’ ‘holiday gifts for children’ and ‘wellness funds for _________’ to see who in your community needs your help.

I am telling Santa: I do not need anything but others do.

Join me in giving what you can to keep people fed and well and cared for. As I am writing I was alerted that the government has been ordered by a federal judge to use emergency funds for SNAP. Going crisis to crisis, this government is eroding the safety of our population.

Keep your neighbor safe. It’s time to care.

Someone recently commented to me they hoped the president doesn’t say ‘Well if they can feed themselves we don’t need SNAP.”

President Trump, we don’t need you.

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